I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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