you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
