Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
