im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
