thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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