I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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