Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
