I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
