Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
