im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
