Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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