it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize