trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
