oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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