I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
