Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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