I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You are the jesus of drinking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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