Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is my gift to your gina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
