im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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