Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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