I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.