Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms