i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
