I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .