a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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