I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex