So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver