I just saw a hot homeless man
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.