I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
