I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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