If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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