I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize