Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
