He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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