if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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