weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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