Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
