he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
