you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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