Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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