Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
