how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
