so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
