her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
