my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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