i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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