it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize