my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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