dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
