She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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