Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
