I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
