Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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