Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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