I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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