I wish life had little blips of pornography
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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