There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
