Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
