so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
