whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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