I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I AM VODKA MAN
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize