i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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