My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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