I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
