i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
