the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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