I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
