I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
