At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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