i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
