Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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