I just threw up on my dentist
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
