Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
