Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
These tits shall not be calmed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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